upset!!

over over OVERRRRRRRRRRRRR! =))

somebody teleport me home RIGHT NOW and i promise i'll be good forever and ever.

sigh. sending deardear off made me sad. i duno it's the homesick or it's just dreading to be alone after so many weeks of him constantly being with me. i think it's getting depressed at the thought of another person saying bye and going home while i'm still stuck here doing what?! apparently not concentrating. evolution doesn't love me; i don't have adaptive value; maybe that's why it doesn't let me concentrate so that i won't do well and natural selection will kick me out.

what!?

alright im just being grumpy. the self-promised 20min of viwawa is up, and i'm supposed to hit the book again, but i end up grumbling and procrastinating here. if anybody scolds me now i'll cry. it's not my fault i can't concentrate what!

hahaa i sound abit cranky. yea i'm alrite, just excited abt the rest of the week after tmr. (:

alright. back to the books. teleporting failed, but i'll still be a good girl primate homo sapien. hopefully evolution will love me more like that.


select me select me!!

-throws cog devt tb on the shelf happily to collect dust-

Monster Q hath mercy on us! :) but her cued recalls were really bad! i knew like at least 20marks worth of the answers she was asking for, but i didn't know what she was asking for that!! the mcqs were done quite happily and i looked at the essay qns happily thinking i could walk out early. then i start doing, i realise all the whatever rules and theories recognise me but i don't recognise them! like see and memorise them before, but you suddenly throw the name only at me, i don't know it's which one of the many many i memorised! the peak of the dui feeling was when wluekwluek debriefed us about what it was abt and i could recite them offhand!! -pengz-

in any case, it's over and everyone's happy about it. i know i'm not gonna get the desired grade, but at least with some reasonable amount of praying and finger-crossing..hey!i'm gonna pass after all! =]

evo evo evo~ is suddenly yi dian ye bu ke ai. bcoz on the way back we waved at many ppl hurraying about their last paper. hai. the soul is getting weak. i seriously can't wait for THE day to come!! -pulls a long face- it suddenly feels like a friday! sigh.

and so i sat innocently, typing away at my trusty own lappie after that. and a damn BIG lizard wriggled it's way past right infront of me, across my softboard!!!! omg. i squealed and recoiled in fear and disgust at the translucent looking black spots on the damn big body. and then it disappeared among my whatevers. omg. so traumatised!! and i walked out of my room, towards The Boyfriend's room, then the BIG lizard's ally - the MEDIUM lizard, came wriggling down from it's top right hand corner position, and i screamed as it came towards me!!!! omg. freak out lah!

Dear Lizards,
I understand that i'm lovable. But pls do not attack me. You've gotta understand it's a NONRECIPROCAL relationship, and it's impossible between us. If you see the cognitive development or bio psy textbk lying around on my shelf however, you may feel free to charge at it, preferrably before and after i'm around. By all means, stay away from me as I express no interest in you, your spotted body, nor your wriggly tail.
No need thanks,
tingting

im losing my concentration
when the end is so near yet so far.
im losing my patience
when the chapter is so interesting yet so long.
im losing my calm
when the time draws nearer and doom approaches.
im losing my time
doing a thousand and one things except the only thing i should do.
im losing my sanity
when 30th april 1530h comes.

i dun like cog devt!! =( i duno it's the subj or just the txtbk..i got very very short attn span for it! and i keep dreading opening the book..and when i open it i dread reading it..and when i read it i keep hoping it will finish..but it always takes me so long to complete it.. so long that i think the time spent on one chapter of it allows me to complete two or three chapts of other txtbks!! -grumpy face-

but i swear i love children and learning abt development! but why is this just so hard!! =( ok, maybe cognition ain't exactly my no. 1 love, but it's development!! development is suppose to leave me feeling awed and amazed! but this book leaves me with lots and lots of microsleeps!! =((


i found a new love... VIWAWA ! but im not supposed to get hooked on it now!! =XX

a friend (dotty!) msg me today.. he's starting sch on coming monday!! WAH. im so happy that im starting my hols next wk!! hahaha.. suay guy.. all the rest of the schs go on hols he start sch. lol.

anyway, i feel so wow-ed by qiqi just looking at her hols schedule! hahaha. i feel so empty compared to her.. and im starting to regret not registering for special sem!! =X ok, let's list out my pathetic list of post-exams plan...

- celebrate The Boyfriend's birthday while everybody's having a labourless day.. hahaha! but im quite excited about it though still a lil' lost.. aha.
- go for RA interview and hopefully get it, though i don't feel particularly hopeful..
- look for tuition!
- look for part-time job if i get the RA!
- look for full-time job if i don't get the RA!
- email ros to get myself back into SAAC again in July if im not working full-time. i really miss going there so much!! i think i feel quite empty this sem.. as in i don't feel like im doing anything meaningful and enjoyable. i just feel...busy w/o a real purpose. i really miss the contented and calm feeling i get working with the kids. it's no doubt challenging but at least i feel happy after everything..esp when the kids recognise or acknowledge me! =) it's not sth i feel when i look.at.monkeys. haha.. i think i really love being ard kids. =)
- save alot alot of money, and stop going out so often and spending so much!
- watch HEROES. *grins*
- play Viwawa! *winks*
- do sth MEANINGFUL like i.duno.wad.

i think i've seriously reached a point of my life where i feel uncomfortable if i don't do sth meaningful or sth i really enjoy. hmmm. i duno if that's good or bad either. i just dowan to waste my time away slacking or playing. yes, i want to have fun.. but i think i should do sth else useful at the same time while i play. or else i'll just be wasting my life away!

hmmm.

and im pretty sad i can't go Redang with the manics or HK with my darling electrons. this shall serve as a lesson and reminder that i really ought to curb my spending urge, and always save up for a rainy day! -looks up at the cats and dogs falling on me- -shakes head-

alright alright. i really ought to go back to The Book.

jiayou ppl! hols are two papers away! *weak smile*

tchao! =)

oh i forgot to add..

stephie wanted to say hi to:

xian, jul, qi, hh, jy, JY, bearbear, ss(who she remembered as XX! hahaa), daniel, cy(who she conveniently forgot the name! lol).

ppl stated above, pls *wave* to stephie!

lol.

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY STEPHIE!!! =)

hahaa.. it's belated bdae according to sg time, but happy bdae according to US time! and somebody must be having so much fun now outside with blahblahblah! =p

yay! deardear and i called stephie last nite! or rather, near 1am, and ard noon for her. haha. but deardear was so lame. i ask him like talk to her first, like see whether she recognise him or not all that. then he go and tell her he's calling to ask abt hostel billing !!??? -faints- i was immediately like HUH? at the side. hahahahaa. lame deardear! then he say until ownself duno how to continue tricking! -_-''' deardear! wad happen to the good genes we saw on april fool's day! haha..

nwae, bio paper is finally OVERRRRRRRR!!! and it was damn sucky! we saw patty at can 2 after that and kept discussing ways to creep up on him, take his little red umbrella and club him or sth. pity he left before anybody plucked up any ounce of courage to do anything to him. hahaa

and i keep having traumatic experiences at CAN9. =((

okay, supposed to study for cognitive now. but obviously ive been acting like my exams are over. ahaa =X TARDYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

ARGH! 2.5hours away from the bio paper and im turning into a complete nerve wreck!!

i have no idea why! issit bcos i had 5 days to study for the paper? then too many days im turning uber restless now! =XX

my roomie's having her BIG paper today! one that she's been on about for days about how scary it is! and to prove that it is indeed scary, she slept for one hour plus last nite, woke up at 10.45pm, and study until today morning with only 10min nap in b/w! i feel guilty going to slp at 2am! then when i woke up at 7.30am, she's bathed and preparing to go out to study with her friends liao. ARGH!

now i feel so guilty and nervous!! not like im totally well-prepared or what. im not at all!! i can't rmb all the stupid bio facts! but nothing is going in right now! and to make it worse, i've been fantasizing about the can 11 prata wrapped cheese hotdog since i woke up!! -_-''' deardear says he'll assess my cough after my bio paper today. if im okay liao then tonight he'll bring me go eat.. YAY! -gives a tiny hopeful look- ^^

TARDYYYYYYYYYYY.

by the time mabbie reads this, her papers will be over alrdy!!! -creeps up to mabbie's back, make a face, and kicks her- nyahahaha! evil girl! she always finish her papers uber early! so early that when i finish on 23rd last sem, she still can finish earlier than me on 20th!! -gives her the upset look-

LALALA. yes, i ought to study!

i miss staying with wanqing!! i think i feel more motivated studying together with her! hahaha. eah nvm, im staying with bioqueen next sem! nyahaha. that one also study uber zai de! woohoo! maybe i'll pick up her studying habits and become very zai also! nyahaha. then one day ah gong will worship me instead of bobo or bioqueen. WOOHOO! imagine one fine day ah gong runs up to me and looks admiringly, "can i have your autograph pls?" WOOHOO! hahaha. yes! he'll stop eating 100 char mee and washing his butt at hss library! all he needs is my autograph, and we'll both stop getting lousy grades for patterson midterms. WOOHOOOO!

yes, effects of caffeine includes anxiety. how could i have overlooked that! maybe they missed out stating it increases neuroticism as well.

argh.

STUDY FOR BIO!!!!!!!

"The preference for plants had measurable health benefits. Prisoners whose cells looked out onto farmland and forest reported to sick call about 20 percent less often than those who could only see the prison yard."

- Evolutionary Psychology, 2nd ed. Gaulin & McBurney.

whoever said bio was interesting! it's not when you have so much to rmb!! -makes a face-

i think im developing a taste aversion to canteen food.

boo.

#1:

Me: Doctor, how come so long liao i still haven't recover? =(
Doctor: Oh, don't worry. you're not sick.. you're just pregnant.
Me: WHAT?!?!???

*

Deardear: HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA.

*


#2:

he was a doctor and i was a nurse.

when i was training to be a nurse, we would climb up to the 11th floor of the hospital, and i would use him to 'practice' my injection skills. then we would throw the used syringes down this pit.

after i became a proper nurse, and he a doctor, everytime we came across a very sad case (i.e. the patient is on the verge of death, or eventually died), after the last injection, we would go up to the 11th floor to throw the used syringe down that pit. it was like trying to forget it happened, and at the same time, throwing something down a 'wishing well' and praying for a miracle. i continued 'practising' on him too.

one day, my dad had a car accident and came into a&e. both of us were not the ones attending to him. but i was damn scared. i took a whole bag of unused syringes, went up to the 11th floor, and threw them down one by one, wishing for a miracle. in the end i cried hard; the miracle didnt happen.

the end was near. he couldnt hold out much longer either. from the time i started practicing all the injections on him, the effect wasnt holding out any longer. he was slipping away from me. and i felt so helpless. i dragged him up to the 11th floor with my big bag of unused syringes again. i cried and cried and wished and prayed hard on each one of them, and threw them down as stupidly as usual. he opened his eyes and smiled at me weakly, "hey, maybe things will be nicer up there." i didnt know what to think. i dragged him up to the 12th floor, and continued wishing and throwing. 14th floor. 16th floor. 18th floor. i cried harder and wished harder each floor i went up. he was getting weaker and weaker. the bag of syringes was finishing. "i need to get up to the top floor. you can't leave me."

"don't bother getting up there anymore. are you sure you want to do that? you'll be using up your last bit of hope. after that, you'll be left with no hope.."

i just crumpled into him and cried and cried and cried.

...

*

and i woke up still crying. i think i would have cried harder if the dream continued. silly non-environmental-friendly dream! =( and i really thought of becoming a nurse before! but it's ok, deardear will never become a doctor! :]

*phew* do you think antibiotics affects what you dream of?

weird~

anyways, just to let the world know, i'm still alive, and definitely better! i can study proper now! =) and since many ppl attribute my illness to insufficient slp, i've been going to slp at 12+ and waking up before 8! hahaha.

darn. why does it not feel like a saturday morning at all! the birds aren't chirping happily outside and i'm not waking up in deardear's embrace! =[

ok i shall stop sounding so grumpy! haha i've been grumpy for the last few entries i guess. sick girls are grumpy! =p

bwah! it's weird being awake at such an early hour! aha. bu xi guan~

oh nwaes, my family came over to visit me twice this wk! i only told my parents about my sickness after missing the french paper. coz i knew mummy would get all worried and paranoid. true enough, she came over at night (tues) with THREE bottles of horrible tasting ling yang which was supposed to make my fever go down. thank goodness gorgor brought eclipse for me! hahaha. and needless to say, the next day, she woke me up at 6.30am to remind me to finish drinking the ling yang, so that can take medicine later. then she called again at 7am to asked if i took my medicine already. then she called again at 10+ to make sure i took my medicine alrdy. then my brother called and i complained to him that mum called me 3 times alrdy. "har? she ask me to call you when she's at work to check that you ok le, then she herself call you so many times le ar?" -_-''' btw, i counted and by the end of the day, she had called a total of SEVEN times. if you don't know what's paranoid, check out my mum. haha anyway, they came another time last night, convinced my phlegm was still there. so i was made to drink something else which tasted better. hahaa. nwae, point is, thank you my family for being so kanchiong and concerned over me! =) haha my mummy always sound worried when she calls and my gorgor always sound funny when he calls. =]

alrights. it's almost 9am! time to start studying! gambate~

=)

2 papers down finally! so xin ku~ i had to struggle to breathe and blow my nose and think and write all at the same time! yea i had to tell myself to breathe through my mouth coz my nose is blocked -_-''' and not to mention the splitting headache. so i came back to slp immediately after dinner le lor.

bleah and i still dun feel well now! wads wrong with me!!? faster get well! i need to study! =(( i havent finish so many things! i dowan to dabao this sem! =[ *help* ytd was bad enough! i felt so angry with myself doing the maths paper..it's all qns i could have easily done with enough practice, but i barely had time to read through everything once and i took so long to do the qns! like know how to do de gan jue, but keep starting out with the wrong steps and blah. argh! =( then the stupid da chang jin is so cruel! set so difficult qns compared to last yr! and i think it serves me right for skipping so many lecs. hai~

ok i shall stop grumbling.

i just want to get well now so that i can get up and study proper again. pls pls pls! =(

and thank you so many ppl for caring! so touched! :) jiayou ppl!!

THE BOYFRIEND PLS TAKE CARE TOO! DONT BE SO STRESSED!!!! -hugs-

for the first time after taking exams for so many years, i get an MC to be exempted from my exams. no, im not that elated about it, especially when im getting all groggy and having bedsores from lying down all day infected by a 38.9d fever and throat infection. and im certainly not pleased about having slogged so hard for my french role plays and CAs, only to miss the final exams and having to have to even disregard taking the subject before.

the only thing that warms me now is the uber nice stuff at the medical centre and the uber nice bf who seems to be more xin ku than me having to take care of me and study at the same time. thank you, dear. really very touched (:

and thanks to all who have showed concern in one way or another! =)

i hope i get well enough to go for my TWO papers on thurs, or i'll die from 1) not getting to complete my maths minor, and 2) slogging over 3 extra electives for nothing over the whole semester, while others are happily using the extra time to study for their cores. which reminds me, im not done with my cores revision yet.

argh. alright, back into bed.

some interesting stuff, coincidentally all taken from ah gong's blog! =)



SAF's latest advertisement.

"Our world rates wealth over courage and comfort over commitment. We think that nothing will ever disturb our lives. We are surprised when people get sick and die. We think that technology can fix everything. We take our safety for granted. We have more degrees but less sense. We have more medicine but less wellness. We've added years to life, not life to years. We build everything bigger, but not neccessarily better. We have more convenience but less time. We have more communication but less understanding. We make heroes out of actors but have no idea who the real heroes are."

-nod nods-

nwaes, what's going through me now is a horrid version of dreamland.. im constantly feeling light in the head, as if im floating around.. then when i try to study, i keep nodding off, and waking up to aim white lumps of mass into the wastebasket. and when i clamber into bed, i think about my huge comfy bed at home coupled with my darling BOLSTER. yes, i can't hug my softtoy substitute now for fear that it's accumulating dust. and i can't slp proper coz my head feels awfully wrong, and i need sth proper to hug, and im not actually tired tired, just drowsy. and needless to say, im too coupled with guilt to slp peacefully, when my exams are 24.5hrs away. ahhhh. medicine; friend or foe?


speaking of medicine, health and what not. take a look at this - darwinian explanation of suicide.

when thoughts of suicide arises within an individual, they do not hope or wish anymore. the soul is weak and you are no longer motivated to seek means to increase your reproductive success. you seek suicide as an evolutionary adaptation, bcoz when you die, your kins will no longer be burdened by you, and will hence be able to pass on their genes smoothly; and since they are related to you, part of your genes get passed on as well. beats sitting around, moping unproductively, and not doing anything to pass on your genes.

hmm. does that sound valid to you?

im down with the flu bug ONE DAY before my exams!!!

happy 4 months, deardear!! =)

finally after being stuck in school for so long, and scrimping and saving so dutifully for one whole month, we went out for some fresh air and celebration today (saturday)!! ^^ and of coz due to time constraints we only went as far as jp -_-''' after looking through menus of ichiban and pizza hut, we settled at pizza hut!! yay! so long nv eat pizza liao ^^


haha eat halfway liao then suddenly rmb havent take photos! cheesy lava bbq chicken supreme pizza! and cheesy shrooms baked pasta. waahaha it was a very cheesy day! =D

good food makes me happy! ^^

the peach tea had real peach bits inside!! haha drink until i high lor~ ^^

wahahaa i made him pose for this! =D greedy toolbox!! wahahaa. but hey! he took my video and i didnt even realise until 2 hours ago -_-'''

oh and we realised the service there was really very very good!! =)) heh so we were very happy eaters today! ^^ and after grocery shopping and all that we went back to hall again~ hai. hahaha. oh wells. but it was a very good getaway..felt so happy!! ^^

the week was so so.. new canteen in school is great! the ambience all that rocks big time too! ppl alrdy start studying there! hahaa. beav! ernie! quick come and enjoy the new canteen! wahahhaa. ernie your fav SUBWAY is in ntu!!! ^^

oh and bobo called us ytd to chat! wahahha. so high~ so excited to hear her again! yay! i miss the manics in US so much!!! *hugs*

ok i'm blogging so randomly.. and since it's past 12 already, i'm officially 2 days away to my first paper. yikes! why am i still here!!! x_x

tchao!

*P.S. I Love You. =)

the week was ok i guess. ups and downs as usual. busy busy busy!

april fool's was funny. for once, i tricked 2 ppl without any retribution!! hahaha. tricked qiqi and jul! lol. so funny.. but quite touched that they were really very concerned about me =) *hugs the 2 funny girls* haha of coz credit goes to deardear and ah gong!! esp deardear! wah uber pro lor! he is professional actor!! lol. ah gong was just making use of me to seek revenge for his wallet lor. hahaa

and french test was quite screwed =( and evo ppt is finally over! yay! not great but blah. yes and i need to stop looking bored during my presentations. ahaha.

went out for the first monkey watching field trip at upper pierce reservoir which is damn ulu. was okay apart from the stoning while waiting for the monkeys to come out. hahaa. saw the baby monkeys clinging on to their mummys! so cute!! hahaha. and we saw 2 monkeys mating! *blink* and they are done. hahahah. damn fast! i thought we interrupted them and they stopped. turns out they only took 5 seconds to copulate -_-''' whoever said monkeys were like humans! aha.

ok i oughta slp. exams are officially a wk away. things are going crazy. i m going crazy with all that mugging. getting all pms-ish and emo. thank goodness deardear gives out free hugs when i cry! :) deardear i love you! thank you!! =)) *goes give deardear a free hug*

niteys!