okay, as you can see, i'm back.

the getaway was fine.. just so-so, but i wasn't expecting much either since it's a yearly and pretty constant thingy. but a takeaway from the trip was receiving a handmade card from one of the cousins i've been tutoring. =) could see that she really put in alot of effort and spent alot of time making it. was so touched when i looked at it and read what she wrote. and she was damn funny trying to gimme the card..she put it under my hp and tried to guide me to it. but when i took my hp, i didn't see the card underneath then i think she wanted to peng liao. haha. then when i finally saw it, she was like "DON'T READ NOW DON'T READ NOW!!" hahahaha. pri sch kids can really be rather cute at times (: sent a flurry of smiles to my face and a flood of warmth spreading through me. after so many exasperating and tiring hours spent teaching and travelling, it suddenly felt worthwhile. =)

and i was down with a runny nose midway into the trip, which later evolved into a cough after i returned to the sunny island. and i've been receiving incessant naggings that's stopping me from kbox-ing tmr, which i shall secretly turn a deaf ear to! muahaha. *guilty look*

anyways, returned from the trip with a couple of not-so-nice news awaiting.. =[

breaking up is always painful, especially if it ain't an amicable break. and albeit easier said than done, it would always help if the two parties can stop pushing the blame on each other, coz it doesn't really matters anymore. pushing the blame will just deepen the hurt inflicted on each other, which basically does not benefit either party. i don't deny i've fallen prey to such circumstances either; and i know its painful, that's why i'm discouraging it now. coz i don't want my friends to go thru' the same hurt i've been thru'. but then things always turn nasty or simply not your way when it's the last thing you wanna deal with. i guess it's really unhealthy when after being together for so long and spending so many happy moments together, all you take away is hatred and a heavy heart acknowledging all the past moments spent together as a mere facade of lies.

as for my own part, i've given up trying to put things right if putting them right means directing a million other things in the wrong course concurrently. when i get too tired, i choose to attribute everything to fate and predeterminedness; if it's meant to be, one day things will right itself again, and if it's not meant to be, no matter how hard you work, magic's not gonna right things. to a certain extent, it may actually be true. but i often regret not taking the extra step to prevent things from turning out to be the sorry state they are in now. and we all know regret is the last thing we want to take away coupled with a depressed enough mood.

too much love and hard work and effort put in to maintain a friendship/relationship, but all you get in return is hurt and accusations and misgivings?

no, i've learnt to put such thoughts aside already. the more you hold back, the less you actually enjoy the process. at least by looking at every friendship/relationship i build, as the last one i'm ever going to build, i give my everything and at the end of it, i can tell myself i've done what i ought to and i no longer have any regrets; it's the same as taking an exam really - you lament about not putting in enough effort when there's nothing you can do about it anymore. but if you've given your best, you more or less feel more comfortable with the grade you receive and don't dwell over it anymore.

it may not hold for everyone, but at least for me, all i want is to enjoy the process and receive instantaneous mutual happiness. =)

*

anyways, i got my hair rebonded and cut again. but things went wrong and i officially look like an egg shaped cleopatra. how unflattering. sighh. i always do very wrong stuff to my hair. beats me why. i'm missing my wavy poodle-like hair alrdy! =[ haha. and somebody has one thing less he can recognise me by. but it's alright, i still can recognise his specs. hahaha!

okays, i shall be off to rest so that my voice will sound alright for the final hearing tonight! =)