can you rmb your very first ambition when you were young? well, mine was funny. my ambition was not to become an adult. haha. silly, isn't it? okay, maybe that explains why i'm still childish now at such an age; part of me probably still don't wish to grow up.

i used to hate adults with a strong abhorrence. i used to feel that adults are the most bo liao creatures on earth; they trouble themselves over the stupidest things and fight over the most trivial matters. i could never understand why they do the weirdest things to make themselves miserable.

so, i made a silent vow to myself that in the future, i never want to grow up or become an adult. ha.

but it seems that old age is catching up on me fast. today, it finally dawned on me that my parents are getting old. and i realised how hard they are working to finance bro and my studies. and i realised how unhappy they are working. that was when i felt truly helpless and irritated with myself - wished that i could grow up overnight and start working. wished that i could support them instead and let them take a break after striving so hard for so many years to bring my bro and i up. wished that they didn't have to worry about us anymore and go 'xiang qing fu' liao. but no, it's not gonna happen any time in the near future, and that's what dampening my mood now.

i once had thoughts of furthering my studies after the honours degree. but now, i don't even have the heart (and the results?) to do that. all i want to do now is to graduate and start working asap; i want to be financially independent, and of course, redeem my promised freedom too.

finally, here comes the day when i want to grow up.