gaigai.. i duno how to tag ur board.. so i write wat i think here ba... hmmms. i guess i kinda understand partially how u feel? haha i wun say i understand totally la.. but yea.. i guess at times i feel how u feel too ba.. hmmms. ok i write what I feel then u see whether it tallies. hahaha~

hmmm. like.. psych has been my dream since like upper pri or lower sec? i duno how it started too.. maybe it's bcuz my parents used to quarrel ALOT.. so i get scared n irritated n helpless when i watch them.. n u r too young n can't do anything or duno how to do anything.. so i told myself.. nxt time i wanna take psych so that i can understand them better.. know why they r so angry or upset with each other.. then i can talk to them nicely n solve their problems.. n we'll be a happy family! =) sounds so naive right? hahaha. i also tink so.. then as i grow up.. i slowly learn how to deal with these problems better.. plus they dun quarrel so often anymore.. so yeap. the 'neccessity' to take psych doesn't seem so erm..imminent? anymore.. hahhaa. pardon my eng~ =X ahahas. yeap. so i was thinking again.. wat else can i tk if i dun tk psych?

i loved lit when i was in sec sch.. but i loved maths too... dream jc combi was double maths, lit, theatre studies. haha my cousin said i was crazy.. no such combi~ lols. so i didn't went to arts in jc cuz i can't stand all the other humans.. n i dowan tk econs.. then went to fulfill half my dream combi which was double maths.. hahhaa. then i tot.. am i going to hafta go into engineerning nxt time? but i detest the mere idea of it. hahha. n as i cont' taking chem n phys.. i knew i couldn't tk sci n stuff... then i thot of going into maths.. but tt wld mean staring at numbers for the rest of my life.. so i thot.. no wayy. hahaha. i wanted to do something meaningful.. reach out to ppl.. help those in need in the most direct way.. be there to lend someone my support when they r down.. n i still AM interested in finding out how ppl feel n stuff.. yeap. so i heard psych was not as glam as i imagined it to be.. but i couldn't care.. i juz wanted to do it.. so i set off with my dream n worked hard for it.. like... really really hard. i juz wanted to get into psych so badly.. i couldn't imagine wat other course i can possibly land up in... i just HAVE TO get into psych. yeap. so slowly i achieved my goal. n i was screaming n jumping up n down when i got my acceptance letter. =)

then i started working. working is boring.. but like u said, it's nice for a change from studying. i loved working at the lego fair.. playing with the kids n all tt.. made me think.. i wanna make the children happy~ i'm gonna go into child psych nxt time~ =) then i started work as data entry clerk. literally hated the job from day 1. but i stayed on bcuz the pay was reasonable.. n the hrs were ok.. n it was quite slack.. then there was all my lovely colleagues.. =) n i tried to get my dream job as clinic assistant n nearly got it.. the person called me to go for interview n all tt.. but then last min change plans say they wanna hire perm. =X yeap. so cont' working at the ulu place.. after awhile.. i stopped hating it.. cuz my colleagues made life better.. n i learnt to look at the bright side too... at least i dun hafta do anything at all outside office hrs.. n i get to play every wkend! like..HEY!! U DUN GET THIS PRIVILEGE WHEN U'RE STUDYING!!! hahaha. so i cheered up n stayed~

then.. time to quit.. started dreading sch.. was so contented with life that i didn't wanted to make any more changes.. plus all the ppl r prac flocking to nus.. leaving only me n huiyu at ntu.. n not even in same sch or fac.. the idea of sch starting was dreadening.. like. hey can i juz cont' working forever? =(

then sch started. n i've gotta admit..i love my sch.. i really do.. n all the ppl.. n the new friends i made.. n initially.. i was like wow.. finally i'm doing something i like.. studying something of my interest n all that.. so tt was honeymoon phase~

then tut started kicking in n i realise.. uh oh.. i know nuts about psych. die la~ it was really bad. i felt like giving up.. i started thinking.. uh oh..maybe i'm really not cut out for this.. n the thing is.. i can't be a child psych with just an honours. i've to dedicate so many more yrs... the feeling is like.. u spend more than half ur life chasing a dream.. but when u're finally near it.. u realise it isn't easy at all.. n yea.. many of my frens tell me the same thing too.. like everyone gets into their dream course but find it so hard to survive.. everyone sees the end thing as something glam n a dream-come-true.. but just the idea of having to go thru' all tt ordeal before u fulfill ur dream is quite a torture itself alrdy.. =(

so now i'm juz trying to constantly remind myself like.. hey it may be difficult but i chose this road myself.. nobody forced me.. i might be struggling hard now but at least i'm still quite interested in what i'm studying so far.. if i wanna walk out all big-headed n feeling glam 4yrs later i've gotta press on now.. nvm if i can't work all the way up to a child psych anymore.. at least i fulfill my dream n know something abt psych... after all, dreams r why ppl live for, aren't they? if u wan ur dream to come true, u've gotta work hard for it.. n i've worked so hard to realise half the dream..there's no way i'm giving up now.. i just kp reminding myself that this is psych, not physics. u're definitely gonna pull thru'... i duno if things work that way, but at least i'm giving it my best shot. so i'll haf no regrets nxt time i look back (:

i dun think my situation applies to u fully.. but ya.. i know u wanted to be an OT since the first few months i knew u.. since u're halfway thru' why not try to hold on? like at least finish up to a yr or something then see how it goes.. i know u prob think i talk big only... but i tink it's like how i pulled thru' my jc life.. i keep telling myself this is nothing compared to jc life.. n yeap. it more or less works a little.. hahaha. self-psycho~ we all gotta learn to be strong n hold on.. there are so many choices we're gonna face next time in life.. if everything we decide to do le.. then halfway thru' regret n wanna pull out so fast then will be so horrible.. n we may not even be given the chance to pull out.. so i tell myself this is juz training for the real adult life next time~ =)

hahaha seems like i tell myself SO MANY things rite? hahaha. yeap. self-motivation ma~ hahaha. nobody motivate me so i motivate myself.. yay~ i independent girl... hahaha. ok i end up talking crap~ heeex.

gaigai hope can help u abit after u read this.. but dun hafta listen to wat i say la.. just sharing how i feel.. u still gotta make ur own decision! (: but be strong n think carefully first..dun regret ur decision again this time ok? =))


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huiyu!! my lessons for thurs ALL CANCELLED LE!!! wahahaha~ yay yay yayyyyyyyyyy! =D